Twenty NBA All-Stars
That Are NBA All-Stars
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| Possibly all 20 of the names listed below are in this picture. |
A lot of people have been NBA All-Stars over the years. The game has had ever-expanding rosters, made
all the worse by injury replacements.
All sorts of great players have been named All-Stars in years in which
they didn’t truly deserve it, but at least they had their reputation to lean
on. Zaza Pachulia nearly made an
All-Star team in what would have been beautiful insanity. There have been scores of players with just
one or two All-Star appearances dotting their careers that may have made it due
to some odd circumstances. Some players
have very short peaks, due to injury or being hunted for sport or team
fit. It’s hard to be an All-Star.
Yes, the NBA All-Star Game has been overflowing with
honorees for years, but DID YOU KNOW that these twenty NBA All-Stars were NBA
All-Stars? Can your brain comprehend the
shear enormity of this revelation? How
will you live with yourself after learning what has come before? What point is their for life in a world in
which these things happened?
Theo Ratliff: His
actual name is “Theophalus” and he was an All-Star.
Woody Sauldsberry: He was an All-Star after shooting a
career-best 36% from the field!
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| I would believe either of these men is Luke Jackson. |
Luke Jackson: Followed
up his All-Star season with an 8 PPG, 8 RPG campaign.
Danny Granger: A
beneficiary of the Pacers answering the question “what happens if only one
player takes all of our shots for a whole season?”, Danny Granger was an
All-Star.
Steve Harwell: While
originally only self-proclaimed, Harwell undoubtedly was an All-Star for his
hair alone.
Kelly Tripucka: Tripucka
was an All-Star twice. Am I at 20 yet?
DeMar DeRozan: DeAll-Star.
Allen Iverson: Actually,
he made 11 All-Star teams. How silly of
you to not know he even made one.
Don Ohl: Even as
his name is typed and recorded, Don Ohl fades from existence. Is he real?
Did he ever even play in the NBA?
How do we know the NBA is real, anyway?
Am I real? Reality is almost like
a fiction, if you think about it, man.
Like, there’s no way to know anything is real but yourself. Woah.
Don Ohl was an All-Star.
Dan Majerle: THUNDER
DAN IS EN FUEGO!!!!![1]
Dick Van Arsdale: Opponents
could not tell the difference between Dick and his brother Tom even though they
played on entirely different teams. As
such, the NBA was too embarrassed to admit that they did not know which votes
were for which Van Arsdale and made both All-Stars. Dick Van Arsdale is an All-Star.
Luol Deng: When
the All-Star teams arrived to Los Angeles, they were surprised to see Luol Deng
still on the court at Staples Center, running around as if an entire game were
going on around him. When asked to
leave, Deng only stared at the officials, then continued to run one-man pick
and pops. Luol Deng was named an
All-Star to avoid any conflict.
Kevin Duckworth: Take
a look at this average NBA center.
Doesn’t look like much, does he?
Well take another look: it’s an All-Star.
Red Rocha: Though
his name is dangerously close to a slang term for a dog’s erect penis, Red
Rocha is actually an All-Star.
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| This picture is during Paul Silas' All-Star campaign. |
Paul Silas: Hey I
mentioned Tom Van Arsdale in Dick’s section, does that count as two All-Stars?
Jerry Stackhouse: After
averaging 30 PPG and making the All-Star team in 2000-01, the NBA retroactively
negated 15 buckets from Stackhouse as nobody wanted to have to remember him as
“30-PPG-Scorer Jerry Stackhouse.”
Jayson Williams: Once
murdered a guy. Also once an All-Star.
Jeff Ruland: On
the day I am writing this, it is Jeff Ruland’s birthday. Happy birthday, Jeff Ruland! For your birthday, I got you an All-Star
appearance.
Don Sunderlage: Exactly
half of his seasons in the NBA ended in All-Star appearances!
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