The NHL season is almost upon us, bringing visions of sugarplum fairies dancing in our heads. Or maybe that's Tyler Ennis, it can be hard to tell the difference sometimes. Even so, hockey's here! It's time for everyone to don their favorite Nordiques jersey, pour a warm cup of Molson's, and laugh at the Maple Leafs all season.
Of course, some of us out there don't have quite the grasp on hockey that we should. The offseason is a tumultuous time and some of us (I'm looking at you, entire Calgary Flames roster) have had a few too many blows to the head to remember everything that went on. Fear not, that's why I'm here!
Nobody wants to hear about everything that happened in the offseason though. That's just too much information and besides, I don't think anyone will much care if I skim over the Tanner Glasses of the world. Hell, Tanner Glass probably didn't notice when he signed a contract. There were, however, a few very interesting developments giving us a handful of players that should be imminently entertaining to watch this season. Don't care to come up with your own opinion on who is "watchable?" Well perfect, that's what I'm here for.
Ryan Kesler
No-trade clauses are great! Let's put them in all our players' contracts. They don't want to leave right now, so what's the worst that could happen?
Ryan Kesler. Ryan Kesler is the worst that could happen. Kesler decided he wanted out (understandably) of Vancouver's quickly devolving Tortorella powerhouse last season. Unfortunately for the Canucks, Kesler also had a no-trade clause, meaning he could tell them what teams he wanted to play for. Even more unfortunately, that list was the Anaheim Ducks.
All things considered, getting Nick Bonino, Luca Sbisa (who has now been traded for Chris Pronger AND Ryan Kesler, step up your game Ladislav Smid), and a draft pick is a pretty great return. The Ducks could have given Vancouver an autographed Kesler jersey and the Canucks more or less would have had to live with it. However, this isn't about Bones and The Sbeez, the new buddy cop duo for the Canucks. It's about Kesler.
The world's greatest interview bomber is still a 25-goal scorer guaranteed, but this Ducks team has the sort of talent the Canucks did when Kesler put up 41 and won the Selke in 2011. It's been a rough few years full of injuries and David Booth for Kesler and this very well could be an awakening for him. It's a safe wager that he'll be up over 30 goals this year as long as he stays healthy.
Radko Gudas
Radko is what happens when an Animorph gets caught halfway between human and bear. In his first full NHL season (well, 73 games, which is close enough) Radko had 22 points, a total that should see a boost this year just due to the fact that Steven Stamkos will be back healthy and that means secondary assists for everyone on the Lightning. This means Radko could get up to 35 points, which would be well and good for one of those dainty little defensemen that doesn't bother to hit anyone and Brian Rafalskis about. Oh, did I not mention that Gudas had 273 hits last season? Outside of Matt Martin's hilarity, Radko led the league and there's little chance of him being outside the top three this year either. The guy also managed 138 blocks.
In short, there is nothing not to like about Radko Gudas. He's got everything the prototypical "defensive defenseman" needs but without that pesky "being worthless offensively" or "being Douglas Murray." I personally can't think of anything more appealing in a hockey player than Radko Gudas.
Evander Kane
If there's one thing Middle America (and it's unemployed cousin, Middle Canada) loves, it's a young black man that enjoys rap culture. Read any article about the Winnipeg Jets this year (or any year since their re-inception) and inevitably all of their woes will be blamed on Evander Kane and, to a lesser extent, Dustin Byfuglien. Kane gets a bit more of the flak, which is to say all of the flak, due to flaunting the fact that he is in his mid-20s and has millions and millions of dollars. Fancy that!
On the ice, Kane is an amazing player. He's a 30-goal scorer when he's healthy, which unfortunately hasn't been very often so far in his young career. Furthermore, he's just 24, which people tend to forget. He also gets hurt. A lot. When he's on the ice, he's an incredible player and does really fun things, like punch Matt Cooke in the face. When he's off the ice, he is a scary black guy, which is just great to be in Winnipeg.
James Neal/Patrick Hornqvist
I.E. the Sidney Crosby Effect. Neal was a good scorer with Dallas, putting up 20 goals every year and generally being a reliable guy for their top line. Once in Pittsburgh (and skating with Crosby), Neal put up a 40 goal, 40 assist season. His stats with Dallas: .612 points per game. With Pittsburgh? .894, and that's including his 6 points in 20 games after being traded at the deadline in 2011. The question now is whether the Dallas Neal (I'm copywriting that for Tom Selleck's next role) was his real ceiling with average linemates or whether he was still growing into his own. Nobody's totally sure what he'll be now except that he'll get plenty of chances (Nashville is not an offensive powerhouse, surprise) and he will shoot several billion times this year, as he is wont to do.
Patrick Hornqvist is the new James Neal in Pittsburgh now, with Neal going to Nashville in a trade for Hornqvist and Nick Spaling. Oh by the way? Hornqvist scored .599 points per game before joining Pittsburgh. Playing with Sidney Crosby is soooooo much fun you guys.
Eddie Lack
I don't have a lot to say about Lack, as he is a backup goalie on a team that just missed the playoffs. Instead, this:
Brooks Orpik
The NHL as a whole is trending away from defensemen who can't move the puck. This is not to say that "defensive defensemen" have no place in the game: of course they do. Rather, the type of player who can play solid defense but becomes an empty pair of skates once they have to touch the puck are no longer valued all that much. Teams don't want to have to play defense and players like that destroy puck possession.
On a related note, the Washington Capitals chose to pay Brooks Orpik $5.5 million against the cap for the next five years. Brooks Orpik is 34 right now. Orpik has 13 career goals in 11 seasons. Orpik has never been a positive possession player (his team has always had the puck less than the opposition when he is on the ice). All this and yet Orpik has a cap hit just $38,462 less than Duncan Keith who, of course, has won two Norris Trophies.
Is it wrong to single out Orpik? He's a nice enough dude, even if Shawn Thornton disagrees. He isn't bad by any means and has always been worth a roster spot. Even so: good god, who thought this was a good contract? Orpik is primed to be the David Clarkson of this season and, judging by Clarkson's season last year and his beginning this season, that should be absolutely hilarious and worth watching for all of us.
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