Thursday, October 2, 2014

Pete Carroll Reviews the Season Thus Far

Hey guys!!! I hope you're loving your bye week as much as I am!  I spent all of Thursday doing hot yoga with Percy and the rest of the weekend chewing gum and high-fiving everyone I saw on the way home from yoga.  FYI, Percy broke both legs at yoga and is out for the year.  I'm just kidding!  We like to have fun here!

"There may be people who have more talent than you, but there's no excuse for anyone to work harder than you." -Derek Jeter




You know, even  though we've had a week off, I've been thinking about the team all week!  I love my team!  It's just like when I was back at USC, except nobody's trying to sanction me for paying the needy young black guys that work for me!  Haha there I go again!  We're all comedians around here! One time Marshawn told a great joke too!  At least, I think it was a joke, none of us could understand him over the constantly looping "Turn Down for What" track that follows him everywhere.

"Champions keep playing until they get it right." -Billie Jean King

Speaking of Marshawn, he's done real great this year, don't you think?  He's running with some power out there.  It's like Beast Mode every carry!  I know a lot of people thought Marshawn was next in line for the running-backs-near-30-who-immediately-become-worthless club (also known as the Shaun Alexander Faith Center), but he's sure proved them wrong!  4.5 yards a carry ain't nothing to sneeze at!  Unless you've got the sniffles, haha!  I'm a jokester.  Got to give the offensive line some credit for that too.  Justin Britt's looked like an honest-to-goodness offensive lineman all year and guys like "I'm Bringing Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake Featuring" JR Sweezy have being mauling everyone that gets near them.  We're at 4.55 adjusted line yards against 0.27 open field yards, meaning that our line's making a big impact with the run.  Sure, we're giving up sacks on 6.7% of our dropbacks (1% above the NFL average), but look at their heart out there!

"Love those who love you but don't never let it fuck up your vision." -Mac Dre

Our offense has looked pretty great all around though, hasn't  it?  Sure, we couldn't get Marshawn the ball against San Diego, but we're still an elite team!  We're top five in the league in scoring and third in rushing, that's the kind of team we want to be.  The funniest thing about all that is that "DangeRuss" Wilson seems to have become the big shot in this offense.  He runs everything just like we always knew he could now even if that means giving up stats for guys like Marshawn and Percy and (also for some inexplicable reason) Ricardo Lockette.  I had forgotten Ricardo was even on the roster!  Haha, just kidding Ricardo! I just watched your highlight video on YouTube I don't think I'll ever forget any of your 10 career catches!  We've got to get him the ball more, he is averaging 26.5 yards per catch in his career.

"Windows are the eyes to the house." -Andy Dwyer

And how about that division, too?  Sure, Arizona has looked just great all year, but things have really cleared up since before the season.  St. Louis is falling apart thanks to injuries (poor guys, we're all rooting for you here!).  San Francisco sure seems to be self-destructing too (root in hell Jim Harbaugh I will destroy you and every pair of your Walmart khakis.  Go to a Nordstrom's, you fucking hack).  Things are looking up and we haven't had that hangover so many other Super Bowl teams seem to! Sure, the pass defense is lagging behind where it was (19th in pass yards allowed per game), but nobody can keep up that kind of historical year!  Haha, just kidding!  Anything is possible if you believe and work hard!

"Ball." -Hedo Turkoglu

We've run into Aaron Rodgers, Phillip Rivers, and Peyton Manning already this year, so that's got to explain some of it too.  Once we start facing the Shaun Hills and Derek Carrs (the Eli Manning of the Carr family) of the world, things are going to clear up there!  Richard wouldn't let it go any other way!  I bet he's training right now.  That or he's busy yelling at crosswalk signs for trying to stop him from walking when he wants to.  He's kind of an odd bird.  Haha!  I got you again, Richard Sherman isn't a bird at all, he's a man!

"Basketball jones, I've got a basketball jones, I've got a basketball jones oh baby oooOOooo." -Tyrone Shoelaces.

For real though, we do need to work on our defense.  Nobody can run on us at all at this point (2.8 yards per carry for our opposition, who needs Red Bryant?), and that's a credit to our front four and Earl Thomas' all-around everything (he really is great at it all.  Last week he performed Waiting for Godot verbatim from memory while making a Peking duck).  Michael "Chocolate Angel" Bennett and Brandon "Chocolate Chocolate" Mebane have been tearing it up.  There's always room for improvement, and that room is in our pass defense right now.  Get at them, Mark Buehrle!  I think that's our nickelback's name, I'm not really sure.  Don't tell anybody, but I mostly just call everyone "champ" or "sport" when I need to.

"We will not vanish without a fight!  We're going to live on!  We're going to survive!" -Bill Pullman in America vs. the Aliens.

Well thanks for checking in with me.  I know I didn't give you a whole lot of "analysis" or "stats" or "useful writing in any way whatsoever", but that's not what football is all about.  It's about heart.  It's about the will to win.  It's about chewing gum for hours on end until your jaw dislodges.

"We're all dead!  That's it, man!  Game over, man, game over!" -Bill Pullman in America Metaphor vs. the Aliens.

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